Cause of death: Eggs, after a bad day.

I experienced my first "getting egged" last evening (Ps. if you're reading this and you're one of the fuckers who egged me: you're dumb. But... you gave me something to write about so... thanks?). Anywho, I was with my sister... and I really think we didn't give the eggers (?) the reaction they were looking for. Here's the thing...

-First of all, when you egg someone, what is the joy? My sister and I were discussing how an egger's only purpose is to make someone have a slightly more awful day than they were already having; it doesn't really serve another purpose. "Oooh let's wreck their clothes!" Fair enough.
-The other thing I could see the potential joy in is the persons' reactions. But if you're scootin' along in a car (particularly going 70kph+) it doesn't give you much time to savour.
-So this is why we were kind of bummers for targets:

Since we were relatively, extremely high, we reacted so slow to being egged. The scenario, for me went like this: we were walking, I heard a noise, some yelling, a van drive by and then something cold on my leg (which I thought was water thrown). Then my sister yelled and I asked her why and she said we had been egged. I didn't believe her either, I was like "nah it's water." And then I kinda turned around to inspect the scene of the crime. So the van was long gone before I even realized what happened. And it took a solid 3 seconds for me to react to being hit initially (therefore the van was too far to see the reaction). So yeah, they just hit us and saw us continue walking along... which I imagine would be quite lame, and a waste of delicious, delicious eggs. But wouldn't it have been dramatic if we whipped out a gun and BANG.

So we continued walking, and out of the dark this man came and lit up a cigarette... and we were quite a distance from him but he saw us turn around and look at him. He then yelled "HEY HEY! Come here!" and we got scared and kept walking. But later I thought... what if he just wanted the eggs all over our clothes to cook as a nice midnight snack to accompany his cigarette? We were so rude!

This is where we began to discuss the purpose of egging, which, as I stated in paragraph 2, line 2 is, "to make someone have a slightly more awful day than they were already having." We came up with a scenario: What if this person's dog died and then their mom died and thus their dad killed himself and they returned home to the smell of rotting bodies only to discover the last mango had been eaten! Shitty day right? And just as they're holding on to the last joy in their life, a van comes and eggs them. The person thinks "JUST when I thought things couldn't get any worse..." So they get the gun and BANG. Blood and eggs all ov'da place. And the police would come to investigate and be like... woah, this is intense. Eventually after much research (which I assume would involve calling the house and having no answer from mom, dad or the dog [or the mango?]) the report would read: "Cause of death: Eggs, after a bad day." So in reality, you never know what you're getting in to when you're eggin' someone.

I'm pretty easy going when it comes to people being fucking idiots, and considering I had quite the swell day, the eggs didn't really bother me. My sister's reaction was a little strange: "THAT'S why I always carry a rock with me"... :| Vengeance!!

But to continue with the story... we ended up seeing this helicopter flying around all night, and as we got onto our street, we saw it circulating again, and we thought they are working together! The helicopter scopes out the victims and tells the van the co-ordinates... or, street that they're on... or whatever the fuck those crazy helicopters do, and then the van comes and ovums the shit out of them.

That was a shitty story, and my purse still smells of raw eggs despite being washed (YUM! :/) but on the plus side I returned from Hogwarts today only to find a sweet ass flat screen in my room (not a Bravia as promised but hey I didn't have to pay for it, right? I'm too materialistic).

Maybe some poems tomorrow? Mmmmhmmmmmmmm we'll see how I feel. In the meantime I must go jogging (or as I say, "yogging") because my shorts are starting to not fit and things could get disastrous. I could always do what my sister did and say "nuh thank ya" to the TV and go on a shopping spree... but I have wayyyyy too many clothes to just buy new ones. I'm starting to sound like a princess again (I have got to stop doing that)!

Peace & Sex Pirates,


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