9.29.2010

Misery Class and Happy Things

I wrote this today in Women's Writing (Yes Sean [and others] it is sexist and yes they should have a men's writing course I get it):

An awkward presentation is being lectured at me in my lesbian class and it is awful. Improvisation (though organized) is so essential to keep peoples' interests; I do not want to be read an essay... therefore I am going to tune you out and write my blog, sorry. However, I will tune in when you say words my ears love to hear: sex, virginity loss, and shopping. But that's all I'll really pay attention to.

There is a girl who-- Sorry, I am watching my teacher and she is so bored with this presentation that she's playing with her cuticles. HA! I don't like my teacher. She cut in front of me in the washroom line, and then took a shit in the stall that I was next to go into. Yay. I gave her the you-cut-in-front-of-me-you-stupid-bitch eye when she came out of the stall, and in class I gave her the oh-you-asshole-if-I-knew-you-were-going-to-shit-I-would've-pushed-your-impolite-ass-out-of-the-damn-way-so-I-didn't-have-to-hold-my-breath-the-entire-time eye. Her ignorance and stinkyness are the cause of my distaste. She's also boring and disorganized (and wears Lululemon pants every class) but this is an English course so I can't expect her to do much better.

Anywho, this girl was lurking people on Facebook all class, and I was lurking her. Does that make me just as creepy? For lurking her lurking them? Another girl was reading someone's blog. Good girl, read your blogs. I can suggest a better one... Eh hem. I don't bring my laptop to class so I'm not distracted and I force myself to listen to Madam Shitty McStallstealer. I need to entertain myself by observing others' distractions. Most likely someone is lurking me writing this right now (I wrote "HI" on the page with a smiley face, just in case)... or maybe they think I'm a keener and taking notes on this boring, shitty, shit. These people don't know me if that's their impression.

So besides that awful class of doom and dread, which happens to be my only class today, here are some things I have taken a liking to/made me happy today:

-passionate air drummers (no smart-assery, it's obviously not the dude on the right)


















-shaved heads and the shape of the human skull

















-the increasing number of stereotypical punks I see, yum.






















-folk metal
LISTEN TO THIS SICK COVER!

-the food bank (I'll eat just about anything. See the conversation Sean and I had about lint the other day)














-some of the clever words Hitchcock spoke once (read some; click the hyperlink man). Since I know you won't, here are some good ones:

"The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder"

" I'm frightened of eggs, worse than frightened, they revolt me. That white round thing without any holes . . . have you ever seen anything more revolting than an egg yolk breaking and spilling its yellow liquid? Blood is jolly, red. But egg yolk is yellow, revolting. I've never tasted it."

"Always make the audience suffer as much as possible"

I seriously have a crush on him.

-
The security guard in my building who I also have a crush on
*No photo available*

-And on the topic of crushes, this other fellow I'm kinda fond of...
*No photo available*

HAVE A LOVELY DAY! FOR SOME REASON NO MATTER WHAT I DO IT IS AUTO-ITALICIZING SO I AM GOING TO CROSS OUT THE REST OF THIS DAMN SENTENCE BECAUSE I'M ANGRY WITH IT.


Love, your bitchiest complainer
Xesetarip

Ps. Check out Sean's post from yesterday while you're here! It's brief! And I (moderately) spell checked it!

9.28.2010

We are not the same, I'm a Martian.


I haven't blogged in a while, and I'm not gunna hide anything, so I'm gunna say it straight out right now... I'm sick of Earth. I know, I've only known Earth since I was born here, but I miss my ancestral planet. I've never been there before but I can tell you right now I'd probably love it. There's not much here on Earth that is making me wanna stay. Human beings are so overwhelmed with the day-to-day duties they have to get done and then when they're done they go home and sit down and stare at a square box all night. Leaving them to usually forget about how much they're destroying their planet. Now I know there are a lot of people who love Mother Earth and do all they can to save it and keep it alive, but it's so hard when you see some stupid Earthling walk out from buying a pack of smokes and throwing the plastic on the ground even though there is a garbage directly 2.53' to the right of them. Then not to make it any easier they jump in their car and pull out of the parking lot, turn the corner and pull in their drive way. Why they didn't walk to the store? Probably because they have trouble breathing cause of the extensive smoking. But what the fuck do I care, I'm not a human being. In a couple months I wont even be here anymore, I'm taking off mother fuckers. I've also decided to follow in your foot steps and before I leave I'm gunna piss and shit all over the place!

Wow its fucking late, I got school tomorrow...shit eh.

Humans suck, fuck Earth, I'm out, peace.

Izanrelur...

P.S. Human Genocide maybe? What's the point, they're killing themselves.

9.24.2010

So Many Mature Discussions

This is what we discussed on MSN this afternoon. Mildly entertaining, like the rest of our shit.

C: Come to Toronto and get drunk with me :)
and eat too
S: Nap
Drunks tomorrow
C: But all I have to eat is link
C: *lint
S: I love lint
C: Come dine with me!
S: I'd rather not
it's not you in particular
I'm just on a non-lint diet
for the time being
C: S: Man my cholesterol is through the roof
The doctor advised I get off the L before it kills me
C: LMFAOLMFAOLMFAO
I'm dying of laughter I'm so sorry
I thought link was healthy man?
S: Link
or lint
Cause I can eat link
C: No I ran out of link
S: Well fuck me then
mannn
fuck my mother
twice
C: Done and done :D
S: What did you say?
C: I'm sorry you can't do lint
S: Before ":D"
C: Done and done
haha
S: lol
I know :(
It also gives me major rashes
I'm allergic to it
Like so bad
Turned my stomach into a giant ulcer
Like one big one
I basically didn't have a stomach
for 4 months
and my intestines swell up so much
Like you know how they are long right?
Well imagine having every inch swell up
I basically looked like I had a giant snake of fat coiled up around my gut area
Ps. Me and the Enter button just had the most wildest sex ever
C: LMFAO I NOTICED YOU DINK
Holy
shit
that
is
terrible
but
don't
you
think
it's
worth
it?
Lint
is
so
delicious
like
holy
hell
S: WAIT A MIN
WAIT A MIN
C: There. I had sex too
S: What are we talking?
Belly button lint?
Pocket lint?
Drier lint?
C: No pocket
S: Hmm pocket lint
C: Usually a bit of pocket and drier but I have more pocket
S: I'd have to say drier lint is the best
and belly button is great but it has soo much calories
and it's the one I'm allergic to the most
Man
one day
you should try chocolate dipped lint
with peanuts on top
Soo good
C: It's fucking expensive!
S: Yeah I know
Live a little jesus
C: Where'd you get it from?
S: You know Wal-Mart?
And the liquor store up by it?
C: Yeah hahaha
S: Well
There is an ice cream shop
right beside the liquor store
and they do it there
they actually have a shot load of toppings
like gummie bears and shit
it's all home made lint too
none of that mass produced garbage
C: :O
Omg, why'd you never take me there ya wiener
S: Who do you think I am?
Richy Rich?
But yeah, there is an actual ice cream shop there that makes their own homemade ice cream and has a shit load of toppings
It's really good, we should go some time
Oh wait you're in Fag Dot I forgot
I'll just go alone

9.21.2010

A G Like No Otha'

By Izanrelur

Hit dis beat

ayo where's the beat at
yo slow it down
ya, like dat dawg
yo
you're out there smoking bowls
out there smoking poll
with a mangled up fucking troll
falling through a fucking worm hole
time is just flashing by
you sit back and you realize
that your troll is really high
and that he might be a russian spy
you also think he might be bi
cause he's really going at that guy's
dick, stick, it's not thick, it's thin
that thought makes you fucking grin
you stop, think about your twin
kick that fuckin troll in the fuckin chin
Fuck em' you don't need em', he's worth nothin

well back to smokin pot
chillin in your favourite spot
It's getting really hot
go ahead drink up all your scotch
take shot
bottoms fucking up
the troll's back and you ask whats up
he says nothing and doesn't give a fuck
sits beside you while you pack a bowl
you smoke up and fall back into that worm hole
and just vibe and think yoooooooooo

9.18.2010

Floating and Such

Finally, last night, all four "lunch kids" had "lunch" together and when we were high as hell we went to see a show at TIFF (Stake Land: It was incredible y'all must see it). Anywho, it was one of those oh my fuck I am brilliant listen to my deepest thoughts highs, and I felt I had to document my brain. So when I was in line for the movie, I was getting all these crazy thoughts and so I wrote them in my "Notes" on my phone. I also got some homework done because I managed to pump out a shit ton of ideas for my work/talk video assignment proposal thingy... YAY! But yes, these are the strange things this is the strange thing I came up with (I'm going to keep the other stuff for my proposal):

Magic Trees and Misty Air

Isn't it funny that I am floating around the neighbourhood?
Yes it is. That's beautiful.
Strange men with handlebars;
Moving for a movie;
No fees if you're nice and
Generous.;
Food delivery, soft ice cream;
The trees are moving but the breeze is absent;
Students that don't have money
But smoke is blowing everywhere in the corner of my eye and its tickling my cheek;
Flashing lights too.
I sat under a luscious tree and I began to float around the neighbourhood... the crazy, hazy city I traveled around in the night.


From the roof of my building!

The first time I re-read that was me typing it. How odd. I like it. Good for me.

Peace & Magic Trees muhfuckas,
Xesetarip.

9.11.2010

The Son of Sex, Drugs, and Some Alien Slut

There is this fellow that is a very good friend'a mine and this is my little tribute to him, since I promised him.

Things to know about Sean:

1) He is from the repulsive city of Oshawa, but since he's just past Townline I still talk to him and don't look down on him. Well I mean I look down on him a little but not as much as the other Oshawians.
2) He texts and drives and is therefore an asshole. But he has promised not to do it when I'm in the car so I don't die :)
3) He owes me a painting of an elf/dwarf/gnome smoking an oversized pipe. EH HEM!
4) Part alien. Part woman. Part man. Mayyybe part Hitler. And definitely part Einstein since his dad looks exactly the same.
5) Can't afford to visit me and therefore I am sad.
6) He can't spell "semen" or "sea men"... he spells both "seman"
7) He's a real mawfuckin' G. Click for proof.

I remember he once said to me: "You're so strange; it's awesome" and that was my favourite compliment ever.

He also gives the best advice. Like, when I asked him "What should I drink tonight?" [specifying that I didn't want to be sick] this is what he said:

Man. Drink some champagne, suck some dick to coat your stomach in semen, then be a man and drink some liquor straight... smoke some drugs here and there, and you'll be fine!

And since I wrote that last night, I will tell you that the 'seman' worked well in coating my stomach and I had non-sick evening.

On a serious note, Sean (inconspicuously called Izanrelur) basically kept me sane all summer and now we are far away (which is sad, okay?!)
He's making video games and other shit on ugly ass PCs at ugly ass Durham College and I get to use sexy Macs at ugly ass Ryerson.

I really just want someone to head bang with.

And I miss having our little heart-to-hearts that are top secret but still: fantastic. And there are some depressing songs on iTunes and I'm like, yo, g, this song sucks, and he's like, yeah, true. And that's what friends are for ya dig?

So Sean is my best friend in the whole world and also my alien twin and life advisor. Oh and fitness instructor. Pretty much a whole lot of things.

And like, he drew one of my tattoos (which the artist fucked up but I'mma get it fixed) and he's building a time machine because I really want to meet a dinosaur and he pwns me at Photoshop.

Semifiction time:

So Ice Water Man was walkin around Durham College going "holy shit this place is gay" and then out of nowhere this man in spandex comes running out of the draw/sketch-naked-people room with an evident boner. Now, IWM's initial thought was the obvious: I have to throw ice water on this dude, to induce major shrinkage! So he got his glass of ice water ready, and was just about to throw it when he noticed a bottle of water in Mr. Spandex's hand.
His eyes welled up and said, "how could you Sean? I thought we were friends. And also, why the fuck are you wearing spandex to class?"
Sean replied, "I got them at Lululemon and therefore they're fashionable, duuuuh. Sorry, I know you're a TNA kinda guy--"
"No you twat I meant you're a traitor. Using bottled water when I'm right here. You know that water ain't gonna fix your boner."
"Sorry," Sean said, "It was just so convenient. Forgive me?"
"Will you do it again, asshole?" Ice Water Man asked.
"Probably." Sean said.
"I admire your honesty. Let's get high?" Ice Water Man eagerly stated, as he lovingly poured ice cold water all over Sean's crotch.
"Yes." Sean answered. And they strolled off hand in hand to live happily ever after in a green forest of gnomes and unicorns and scary men who look like Kirby.

So Sean, I hope you're happy with this. I know I could've done more but you know how lazy I am. You da man brah. Wez be talkin like muhfuckin gs no frontin no hatin word? Yeeee throw me some beatz.

Love,
me ^
me L
Camille.

9.02.2010

Nudity: Always Discussed and Practiced

We picked words and wrote about them! Fuckin' eh!

If Xesetarip said it, it's this colour.
If Izanrelur said it, it's this colour.

~Underwear~

This would be the first word. Chosen by Sean of course. Underwear.... more like underWHY. Like really. What's the point? Imagine if we lived in a world where underwear was unheard of and then some jackass was like, "let's wear clothes under our clothes so shit stains don't get on our trousers." But, jackass, don't you put your dirty clothes in the laundry hamper (lol funny word) at the end of the day? And more importantly, don't you know how to wipe your fucking ass!? I really don't know what else to say. I'm pissed at the jackass who invented underwear. Last semester I went a whole month without it, and it was a riot. It's really just one more barrier in the way of me getting laid. I am a sad, sad girl.

I guess you have a point eh? Like why do we wear clothes under our clothes? and who the fuck is to say that underwear is called underwear. If I wear a t-shirt under my sweater isn't that technically underwear? Also what about super hero's, when they wear underwear on the outside does that then make the tights underwear and make the panties you stole from your mother into....? shorts? I think I'm going to go to wiki right now. Brb. Ok I'm back. After a quick read it has stated that the loin cloth was originally the first form of underwear...but wait a minute, THAT WASN'T WORN UNDER CLOTHES YOU FUCK, so I read down more and it really didn't state anything. Suddenly it says roman males wore it under their chitons. But back to the word. Camille says its just one more barrier in the way of getting laid, but underwear is sexy and guys like it. So yeah, as stupid as it is maybe it's not that bad?

~Curtains~

I guess it's good that pantsless is the next word because that's kinda what I think of when I think of curtains. They're there to hide the outside world from yourself. You make walk around nakid and wave your wang all you want. You can shake your package free in the air without people staring into your room and thinking, "Jesus Christ all-Mighty Joe Young ate my neighbors" Another good thing about curtains is when people like me go to bed at 7 am you just shut those ma fucks and it's like its 2 am all over again. You wanna know something that pisses me off. Blinds, those ones that are horizontal and have a pull string, they piss me off. No matter how much you pull the string they never wanna stay up. You basically stand there and think Seriously? like really? Are you fucking being fucking serious? I want to flap my dick in the breeze from the fan in front of my bay window while showing off my junk but I can't cause you god damn curtains wont stay opened...thanks a lot... Fuck you.

Wow Sean, I feel like I don't have to say anything at all. Pretty much hit the nail on the head. Hit the midget on the head. Hit yourself on the head... while giving head. Anywho, I hate curtains because I am always naked in my room and always worry if the neighbours (or mysterious snipers I was recently told about) are looking at me. During the day I leave 'em open despite my nakedness (come on over and see for yourself!), but really because it is light outside and there is no light on in my room you can't see me. At night they are closed, but I always have to fight with them to get 'em shut. Another thing about curtains: Does the carpet match them? Apparently the colour of a person's eyebrows is the colour of their pubes. I have found this to be quite accurate on others as well as myself. So if you see me staring at your eyebrows, you know why. And I will stare.

~ Pants-less ~

The number one word to sum up my life. I love pants; hate wearin'em. There's not much I can say about this word Sean, ya kinda failed me. And since I just discussed not wearing pants anything I type here is uninteresting. So... here is a comical picture of my dog, who, oddly enough, never wears pants.
...which is quite evident by this accurate, non-tampered with photo of him.

Pants-less...what can I say about this word. Well I can start out with Camille doesn't ever wear them, at least to my knowledge she doesn't. I'm sure there has been many a time when walking in to work she realizes she has forgot them at home, though this may give the random onlooker an arousing view; she would probably be very embarrassed and run home with ass flapping in the wind. What else inspires me about this word. Well, times when one is pants-less are wonderful times although I'm usually not, unless I'm changing and showering, but above all there's nothing like standing on a deck with arms crossed, pants off, dank swaying in the wind and taking a deep breath to enjoy the fresh air, the very same air that brushes up against your bare ass and gives your the shiver of the good ol' outdoors. Gotta love being a man.

~~Pasture~~

Pasture, hmm. Well it's somewhere that cows go to eat and chill I think. Huge green fields of nothing but standing around and fucking eating some grass. It also might be that dude who looks after the church. He touches little boys and get away with it, even though god is right there watching him. I'm pretty sure touching my winkie when I'm 9 is a sin Father. BUT I just found out the word I was thinking of was a Pastor, so back to the cows. Just like curtains was an kinda like a intro to pants-less, Pasture can kinda be like an intro to UFO. UFOs love making those crop circles and for some fucked up reason love abducting cows to do research one. They sorta tie together like that. Anyways other than that all I think of is stinky ass cow shit, stinky ass far smell, stinky ass horse shit and stinky ass farm shit. So ba-dida ba-dida ba-dida that's all folks.

HAHA Sean I love how you mixed up "pasture" and "pastor." EEEEDIOT! My thoughts: Why the hell did I choose this word!!? Must'a been on the crack. Anywho, I thought to myself "what do I think of when I think of pasture" and I responded "I don't fuckin' know, don't ask me" so I drew a comic [of terrible quality in Photoshop].

Vegetarian FTW.

~~UFO~~

Ultimate Fighting Oaf. Ugly Fat Octopus. Underwear For Old-people. Uber Fancy Oasis. Understandable Foreign Octopus. Umbrella's Fairly Obedient. *Gets out dictionary* OOOOH Unidentified Flying Object! I knew that. I love acronyms as much as I love hairy legs on a man. Which is a whoooole lot. Like, my initials are CFL which either stands for Canadian Football League or Camille is Fuckin' Lame. Ah well. Don't ask me to discuss an acronym, because I will just talk about how much I love acronyms and never get around to the matter at hand; this case being the Unidentified Flying Objects. I was at work today and this thing zipped over my head and I was like zomg unidentified flying object! but then it turned out to be this little boy's head a co-worker had chopped off and kicked across the restaurant and no that didn't really happen in my dreams yessiree. I know Sean, you wanted me to talk about spaceships and aliens... but it's not appropriate seeing as we are jeopardizing the safety of our family and friends (being the aliens). I mean, tell if you want but, INGTRIM (Acronym for: I'm Not Going To Risk It, Mawfucka).


UFO's, man I love them. I've never seen one before but soon when our relatives come to visit I going to get to fly one. There is actually a lot someone could say about UFOs. That whole thing in New Mexico and a bunch of other sightings and shit. I personally just want one. I want to fly one, wouldn't have to wait in traffic or what not. Get places like SUPER fast and shit. Don't really have anything to say so drew a picture of one.





~~Individual~~

Individual, one person. I don't really know what to say for this word. Well in my opinion everyone should be an individual, why would you wanna live trying to be someone your not. You see all these people trying to imitate the people they look up to, trying to look like them, I actually can be accused of doing this when I was in like grade 8, but that's a different story. Just be yourself, don't try to alter your life around someone else. There isn't really anything I can say here that you probably haven't heard. Don't be a follower, set your own goals and find out who you really are without trying to be someone else. You'll enjoy life so much more.

Aww that was so inspirational Sean. Kinda like this one weird kid we know who is trying to be exactly like Jonny Craig and will never read this because he's a wiener and can't read and will also never be exactly like Jonny Craig because he's a wiener and can't read. Anywho, "Individual" is the worst word ever because you're like, alone. And people will start saying "yo you're a hipster" and you'll be like "nah b" and they'll be like "your denial proves me right" and you'll be like "stfu I'm an individual" and your horrible misconception of yourself will be noted by the accuser to use against you in a battle of faggotry. Okay. I have no clue what I just wrote. Partied with my broseph (Seanzor) this evening and I'm still a little... I just can't think.

~~Orgasm~~

I am not familiar...

Orgasm, hmm. Great, quick, messy... Sucks for you Camille that you don't know this word.

~~Skinny-dipping~~

I can't say I've ever done it or really plan on doing it. Maybe if it was dark, I mean I don't wanna scare away the people I'm doing it with...or I guess I could do it alone, but whats the point. Come back to your group of friends explaining how you skinny-dipped and none of them will believe you or even care. I guess there is that whole 'I'm FREE' type thing, but I've had a bath before, I know what it's like to be in water naked. I don't, I guess I just don't really understand the hype about skinny-dipping.

HAHA bath. True. Skinny dipping is like, a camping tradition. The most recent time my friends and I went camping this summer, we intended on skinny dipping, but got too drunk to remember to go back to the beach. I can't really justify it; it's just fun! And you're drunk. And you might get to see little Billy's yoo-hoo. Ew, why did I say "little" Billy; I'm not too much of a pedo, and I certainly don't like 'em little. Whoa. I totally thought I was on the word "individual" for a second and I was thinking "wtf do I write about it!?" but then I realized otherwise. I suppose I could've just backspaced that and you wouldn't know any better, but I have this thing where instead of pressing delete I just correct myself in the same sentence. Or in this case the next sentence. Or two. Yeah. Skinny dipping. Do that shit. Nothin like yer tits in freezing, minnow infested, toxic water for the world to potentially see. Goodtimessssssssssss

~~Razor Wire~~
Razor wire (5 Results)
noun

1) The stuff that badasses wear around their necks and wrists to show "I ain't scared'a no pain!"
2) A spiky piece of wire used to brush your dog's teeth because they're so fucking dirty and they smell bad.
3) The cable of the most reliable phone in the world (Alternate spelling: Razr Wre)
4) The decorative wire children wear around their head when dressing up as Jesus for Hallowe'en.
5) Sharp-edged cord that Sean loves up his ass when he's having sex with men.

I do not agree with the 5th statement. I'm not gay. Maybe because Camille likes razor wire up the ass so much she I did too, sorry I don't. I'm starting to find that this word thing is a lot more difficult than expected. I'm not an English student, I'm not very good at writing and I have like the worst ideas about what to write about. Here this is what I'll say about razor wire. Ok. Everyone make sure you go out, pick up a roll, about 20 feet, then stick it in your closet so whenever you're not feeling that great you can go grab it, build a noose and then start playing around, who knows what could happen, especially if you're drunk.

~~Action~~

Something I'm not seeing as of late....

Dude. Same.