Xesetarip Bashes What You Wear

HELLO AGAIN, HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE APRIL!

Back to school means a few things:

1) Blogtime (it's like productive procrastination)

2) Friends (they're neat!)

3) Trends in style and other shit (I'm judging you)

More so the latter in this case. You must understand, I am stupendously superficial... like, I'm a dick. 

Brief anecdote:

I was walking on Dundas and I saw this couple holding hands; the chick was dressed... normal?... but the dude was wearing dirty, baggy sweatpants. I found myself thinking, "if my boyfriend ever wore sweatpants in public, there's no way in Hell I'd hold his hand." Sweatpants nullify any prior attraction or love. Gross.

Offended? That's okay. This is me when I was 16. Greasy hair, sweatpants and tacky scarf. Sexy. 

I took so many pictures of myself that day. For shame.

 Atrociousness: 10/10

I also dislike the following. And it's okay because I use myself in [most of] the examples... right? 

Plaid with Plaid

AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! You got some plaid shorts? SICK! Plaid shirt? GROOVY! If you find yourself thinking they're both plaid therefore they must match; I'll wear them together! then HALT RIGHT THERE PARTNER! I can't say much more than: pairing plaid with plaid is the worst combination ever ! EVER !! You could be the sexiest man alive:

 BUT

Combining plaid with plaid:

Sorry babe, but you're going to have to die.

Terribleness: 11/10 

New Balance Shoes

Y'know... white running shoes. Not cool ones though... Like, the ones you wore in grade 6 gym class. Some velcro, some not (for you keen chillun). When I'm out dancing or bar-ing or looking for some hot ass, and I see a dude in these shoes... NO SOUP FOR YOU! Instant anti-lady-boner. Unless you're at the gym or something...

You can tell a lot about a person by their footwear and these shoes tell me "I don't know what a clitoris is". I'm sure a lot of chicks like them?

Ugliness: 10/10

Hipster Hatin' and Imitatin' 

Everyone makes fun of hipsters and hates on them and such.  I'd say hipster is the new 'emo'... Similar to emos, hipsters behave a certain way to obtain- yet always deny- their title. 

~FOR EXAMPLE~

2006 - Emo?

NO NOT EMO!

2011 - Hipster? 

NO NOT HIPSTER!

Amiright? Now, I have no problem with the hipster image. It's a particular style, and a good one. What bothers me is that so many folks make fun of hipsters, yet half the people I see out on the town look like they came from an Urban Outfitters American Apparel Black Market Value Village Misc Vintage catalogue. I know there's more to the hipster stereotype than apparel, but c'mon kids, you're halfway there when you imitate the way "they" dress. I put "they" in quotes because we all know hipsters don't really exist. Duh. Ask one if you don't believe me. 

Dreadfulness: ?/10

Red Lipstick

I remember when only moms (and adventurous men) wore lipstick... I really dig that it's commonly worn by young folks now. But! Red lipstick is a dangerous thing. I was going to make a survey and see how many people own red lipstick but then I didn't care that much. I bet a lot of people do though. My point is, red lipstick doesn't go with everything. It hardly goes with anything actually. Lipstick-ify with caution!

Unpleasantness: 4/10

Photo Booth

Re: photographic style. You have a Mac which is cool but... It's really not that cool.

Annoying-ness: 3/10

Ps. I downloaded a couple apps to my iPhone that can edit pictures for you to look all artsy without Photoshop. And they do a pretty sick job! FUCK THOSE APPS! Real Photoshop ftw!!!...? (4/10)

Toms Shoes

It's all fancy marketing. The video opposes Toms' "One Day Without Shoes" campaign.  I don't really have a heart so I'm not going to act or anything but still... Watch!:

"Aid should start by asking communities what their needs are, rather than what will help American corporations sell an image of being socially conscious." ^

Cynical tings mon.

Ps. They're super ugly too.

Disagreeableness: 5/10

Fake Specs

I have glasses and they suck. Why would you want glasses if you don't need them!? I understand this trend... people look good in Wayfarers for sure! I just can't get over the fact that someone would wear glasses unnecessarily. Am I way off here? 

I'm also guilty of this. Methinks this was grade 12... oh dear.

I'm such a fucking tool! 

Lameness: 7/10

Honourable Mentions:

Yoga pants as regular pants - I don't have an ass so really it's just jealousy.

6/10

Uggs - I own 'em but boy are they fucking ugly and don't look good with anything!

9/10

Canada Goose jackets - Lol wut? Not that cold yo. I guess parkas are neat.

1/10

Tattoo of your name - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Silly.

10/10

Chipped nail polish - Happens to us all but boy does it look nasty.

8/10

Pants - Remove them

69/10

"People with short hair who wear toques" - Sean's response when I asked him. Personally I think it's the sexiest look going ;)

Infinite sexy/10

Fashion victim,

or fash'm slave?

You make the call!

-Dr. Steve Brule

Thesaurus: 10/10

-Xesetarip xoxoxoxoxxx